I've had a week of socializing, being present, and connecting with the people around me. It has been more than 2 weeks since I've lived in a coliving. I've settled in well and feel very comfortable with the place and the people who live and visit here. It's funny that I thought coliving was only for extroverts, but it might be even better for introverts because you still have the freedom to socialize whenever you want. It feels much more intentional.
For more than a week, the 3 of us have been sharing the kitchen, the common areas, and the large property in the Texas Hill country. Besides the 3 of us living here for the medium to long term, there are many interesting people who visit us from time to time. It's actually never boring. We have gotten so used to living in the country that it was very strange when we came to Austin on Monday for the SXSW event.
Just recently I committed and bought my return ticket to fly back home to Slovenia. It's strange to call it home since I'm approaching 5 months of being away. My home feels everywhere right now (and nowhere at the same time). I'm sure I'll feel at home there again quickly, but I think it'll take a while to get used to it. Still, I don't want to think about it much and just try to enjoy my last 3 weeks in the US.
These days I've been thinking about how interesting it is when I find out that I can do a certain thing or overcome a certain challenge that I thought wasn't doable or required much more effort and energy on my part. An example of this is the aspect that I spent 5 months traveling across the Americas. A year ago, that wasn't even in sight. And now I'm here.
This week I applied for a job and as part of the application process I was given the task of creating 3 social media posts with 3D elements in Figma. I've never worked with 3D elements or with Figma before. But after a day of learning from Youtube tutorials and working until midnight, I managed to create 3 decent posts in Figma and completed the assignment. Even if I don't get the job, I was pushed out of my comfort zone and learned a valuable new skill, or at least started to. A month ago I never thought I'd be creating designs in Figma.
Also, this week with Dean, my flatmate at the Cabin, we set out to do 100 burpees every day. Such a bro thing to do, I know (we're very happy to have Adrian in the house to balance our masculinity with her feminine energy). I've never done 100 burpees at once, not even 50 to be exact. But with the group energy and motivating each other, we both do something we probably wouldn't otherwise do every day on our own. I'd stop at 30-40 burpees for sure. Yesterday, at 40 burpees, I actually thought there was no way I could do 120. But I ended up doing it. It's funny when one of us comes up and says, "Let's do some burpees," and we just do it without hesitation. Okay, there is some hesitation, but again, the energy of the group drives you forward. With that energy, we're now doing our sixth day in a row, and each day we're doing 5 burpees more.
Similarly, yesterday morning Dean happened to say if we wanted to do a cold plunge and we all stopped working and took a cold plunge. It doesn't stop there. When we see Adrian eating a lot of vegetables and eating healthy, we all strive to do the same.
I think many of us today struggle with bad habits, lack of motivation, or worse, depression. I believe this is largely due to loneliness and not finding support in our closest, physical environment. I feel like we can accomplish a lot on our own. I think I got a lot of things done when I lived alone or when I wasn't in contact with other people physically. But I also think that I could have accomplished so much more, or that I could have accomplished the same thing with less energy if I had the right people around me. That seems especially important when you're in your 20s.
Although I'm in favor of remote work, I've been thinking that it may not be the best solution for people in their 20s. I don't want to generalize for everyone, but that's how I feel right now. A hybrid solution seems like a win-win for optimal growth. The feeling of closeness and community while having the freedom to work from wherever you want.
I connected two letters from Seneca to my thinking about this topic. In letter XI he writes about role models and that we should ‘’cherish some man of high character, and keep him ever before your eyes, living as if he were watching you, and ordering all your actions as if he beheld them”. Then he goes on: “Choose therefore a Cato; or, if Cato seems too severe a model, choose some Laelius, a gentler spirit … For we must indeed have someone according to whom we may regulate our characters; you can never straighten that which is crooked unless you use a ruler.”
I never had a role model in my life, and I think we don't have to take that literally and just have one person or idolize someone. In a close community, for example, each person has their own strengths. We can pick up the good from each person and incorporate it into our daily lives. That's the beauty of living with multiple people. For example, Adrian eats healthier than I do, so I'll look up to her in that regard. Dean exercises more than I do, so I'll look up to him in that area. And so on.
There certainly comes a time when we want to remove ourselves from society and be alone, but Seneca says in the letter XXV, that it's bad to be alone if you aren't virtuous enough.
“The time when you should most of all withdraw into yourself is when you are forced to be in a crowd. Yes, provided that you are a good, tranquil, and self-restrained man; otherwise, you had better withdraw into a crowd in order to get away from your self. Alone, you are too close to a rascal.’’
When we feel stuck, withdrawing to ourselves is likely to cause us to get even more stuck. Has it ever happened to you that you asked someone close to you something out loud and immediately answered the question for yourself? Or when you were doing a quick brainstorm with someone and new layers came up? For me, that was often the case.
I feel like coliving can make you unstuck. This is nothing new, really, because communal living has worked for centuries. After more than two weeks here and some experimentation before that, I feel quite bullish on the concept of coliving. I'd probably crave solo adventures after a while, but I definitely see it as useful for creating some variety. Withdrawing from society and immersing back in seems like the way to go.